I will begin to trust you

I wrote this poem after I paused to reflect in mindfulness, to cultivate my ability to trust.  One afternoon, I was getting increasingly frustrated about the extended time one of my children was spending on the computer, in the name of homework and revision.  The conversation began with a casual reminder from me, to shut her laptop down once she completed editing her writing assignment. She assured me she needed “just ten more minutes”.

An hour later,  with her headphones still connected, there seemed to be very little typing activity. Instead her pair of eyes were intensely glued to the screen. At once, I noticed I my breathing became more shallow, my heartbeat quickened and my shoulders straightened. I was unconsciously getting ready to bellow. Instead, I paused. I brought my attention to the soles of my feet which were planted firmly on the ground, I let my arms fall to my side. I took a long, deep breath and walked mindfully, slowly counting each step until I arrived at my own computer screen. This is what I typed.

I will begin to trust yoU…

When the laptop screen faces outwards,
Your fingers don’t move so swiftly on the track pad each time I walk by,
I am invited to share in the progress of your homework,
Simple questions are answered openly rather than defensively,
We can laugh together about funny what’s app messages you have received,
School notices don’t wait to be discovered at the bottom of your bag over the holidays,
News of your wrong-doings are revealed without interrogation,

Maybe I have have it wrong,
Perhaps I need to start trusting you first,
Afford you the space to discover who you are,
Give you time to invite me,
Approach you with kindness and not accusation
Allow you to be right, instead of me

Then all will naturally unfold, in the name of
trust, love, respect
and consequence.

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