Fighting the Demon that Rises during Homework Watch

I sit in silence
Duct tape over my mouth
An invisible hand resting over my quickening heart
Taking deep and deliberate breaths
Trying hard to unclench my jaws
Releasing my strained temples
Softening the gaze of my enlarged eyes
Unfurling my pleated brow

An observer of procrastination
I stop the words that are clamouring up my throat
Anxious to be released in full volume
Instead these words run riot in my mind
Recklessly
Rudely
Hurtfully
Wildly

“Stop!” I declare
“Try harder.”
These words are for me

I fill my heart with love
I fill my being with kindness
I breathe in patience
I breathe in calm

I shift my focus to gratitude
I ask myself “What are you thankful for now, in this present moment?”
I pester myself to answer this question over and over again, until
My shoulders drop a little
My breathing slows and deepens
My eyes feel warm as tears start to form

I swallow
And swallow again
My eyes blink
My lips move apart slightly
I feel my cheeks tingle

The moment is passing
The intensity, dissipating
Raw emotions transform
I see colours turn from fiery red to calm blue
I see an image of a volcano
Replaced with a vast ocean
Sounds of a roaring inferno make way for
rhythmic swishing of foamy water breaking on a shore

These seconds have felt like minutes
These minutes, a lifetime

My back straightens as I sit up
The weight of frustration lifted
I no longer feel the need to scream
Ranting feels futile

Words return to me
My voice is quieter
Kinder
More positive
More encouraging
More optimistic

“How are you going with your homework?” I ask with a gentler smile on my face.

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